dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
