oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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