Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
