We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
