This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
