YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
