This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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