We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
