Where is the hickey?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
