i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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