Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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