oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
