You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
