my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She announced her abortion via fbk
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
