i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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