theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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