So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
