Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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