On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Every concussion has its silver lining
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
