Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
