i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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