Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
