I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
After tacos, we're chasing women.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
