turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
