OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
