So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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