Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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