He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
