She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
