He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The air was thick with penises
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
