the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
