I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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