Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
