Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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