Betty ford says i'm here all night
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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