Your dad touched me again.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
