OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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