i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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