I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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