My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
