he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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