I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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