i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
