This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
