I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
