My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
