and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
