Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I didn't notice because vodka
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
