my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
there was a trapeze. enough said
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
