It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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